Change a Diaper

Change a Diaper in Record Time

by Joe Kita

According to the National Association of Diaper Services (NADS), the average youngster will need about 5,000 changes before being potty-trained. Even if it takes you only a couple minutes to swap soiled for fresh that equates to 167 hours spent wiping bottoms instead of watching ballgames. Assuming you’ve already mastered the basics of diapering, here’s how to cut that time in half….

For infants: The key to a change worthy of an Andretti pit crew is treating the new diaper as if it were the changing pad. Spread it out completely on the table, counter or bar and lay the baby’s still-clad bottom directly atop it. Next, grab both ankles (the baby’s not yours) with your non-dominant hand and lift his legs. Remove the soiled diaper with your other hand, slide it out of the way, and clean the dirty bum with a wipe. Then – and here’s the beauty – just plop him back down on the fresh diaper, fasten, and you’re done.

For toddlers: Instead of transporting the befouled one at arm’s length to a changing room and then struggling to pin him down, perfect the stand-up change. Once mastered, it can be done practically anywhere (often to sustained applause by spectators). For a boy, pull his shirt up over his head and drop his pants around his ankles. For a girl in a dress, simply pull it up over her head. Both methods temporarily (but humanely) immobilize ’em. (Should the child be wearing a one-piece that snaps underneath, bring the flap up over one shoulder and snap it to the front.) Then simply remove the offensive diaper, scrub all crevices, install a new one, redress and, of course, bow to the crowd.

For Great Grandma: Depends. Either of the above techniques could work. But, sorry, you’re on your own for this….